


Fake best friend me, maybe?

by triggermoreliketiger



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Apparently it's funny, Crack Fic, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, Kinda, enemies to best friends, fake best friend tag, it's crack fic it should explain a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 05:33:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19056229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triggermoreliketiger/pseuds/triggermoreliketiger
Summary: Deceit needs someone to pretend to be his best friend. His only option is his so-called mortal enemy.





	Fake best friend me, maybe?

Door loudly closed behind his back. Dee cringed. The hallway smelt like dirty socks and sweat. He hated college but he hated his asshole ex-friends that were waiting for him outside even more. And above all of that he hated the fact that he had to humble himself in front of someone. Worst day in Deegan’s life.

His golden eyes scanned the nearly empty hallway as he scratched the scar that ran across his cheekbone. Most of people looked away when his eyes met their eyes. Dee was not widely liked in here. Not anywhere to be exact. He didn’t bother to change that either.

Only one person seemed to be completely unaffected by Dee’s sudden appearance. The gold sparks in his eyes lightened up. That was the man he was looking for.

Dee took one step forward and then another. Roman was standing just few meters away, clicking something furiously on his phone. His friends flew away as soon as they saw that Dee was approaching them so surely Roman had to be aware of his soon-to-be company. And yet he didn’t even bother to look up at Dee. 

_ The audacity of this bitch. _

Dee cleared his throat loudly. If it was possible hallway suddenly became even more empty. 

“Roman, buddy, I have a favour.” He declared standing right in front of Roman. 

The other glanced up from his phone, eyeing Dee suspiciously. Rightfully so. He was unimpressed. He usually was.

“Buddy?” Roman sneered, putting his phone into the pocket, “We’re not buddies. In fact we technically hate each other.”

“Oh come on, don’t be dramatic.” Dee clicked his tongue in response. He had to remain calm if it was to work out but then… bickering with Roman was always so much fun. The worst thing was that Dee knew that Roman felt the same way. Convincing him to do anything could take ages.

“Dramatic? You spat into my lunch yesterday!” roared Roman, “You spat and grinned right into my face. Thank you very much, buddy-my-ass!”

_ Fair point. _

“I was smiling in general direction, you just happened to be right in front of me!” said Dee innocently. 

Roman groaned and raked his hand through his copper hair. Dee could already see the mischievous smile tugging up the corners of his mouth. That was the moment he was waiting for.

The thing with Roman and Deegan was that officially they hated each other but in reality they couldn’t live without separately. They were the type of enemies that were going absolutely morbid without each other. It escalated to the point that if Roman was sick - Dee was skipping school, and if Dee had taken a part-time job - Roman made sure to torment him with nasty texts during his shift. And everyone approved that. Because it was simply their dynamics. 

Roman was widely liked by the masses while Dee was a freak/loser type of guy. It was only logical for people to label them as enemies. Especially since almost each of their encounters ended up with sharp remarks and angry sneers. Yet somehow they kept coming back to each other, like two magnets. There was no escape from that. 

There was however one unspoken rule between them - the rule that Dee was about to break any second soon. Never have they ever met outside of the college. If they saw each other in public, they never made a move to suggest that they know each other. It was their way of keeping balance in the nature.

_ Not for long. _

“I need you to fake-best-friend me.” blurted Dee when Roman finally (finally!) looked at him without the confusion and mockery in his eyes. 

Said eyes almost immediately grew wider. Dee was not surprised.

“Excuse me?.” Roman took a step back and put a hand over his heart. Again - not unexpected. “I must be hearing things… First of all. There’s no such thing as ‘ _ fake best friends _ ’. Second of all… You do realize that people usually assume that we are mortal enemies, right? It could ruin our image! Give me one good reason why should I do that.”

Dee sighed. Talking to Roman was one thing (that itself wasn’t easy) but convincing him was something completely different. He was stubborn and while Deegan usually didn’t mind that (it made his life much more interesting), now he was cursing that very trait of Roman Fucking Fairley. Damn him and his stupid stubborn ass.

“Well this is important to me.” replied Dee and mentally praised himself for very witty response.  _ Great fucking job he should be a mediator truly. _

“Is it now?” Roman huffed loudly, mocking smile back on his face as he raised his eyebrow. 

“Very.” nodded Dee, trying to ignore the heat tickling his cheeks. It was humiliating but it was also his only shot. The truth was that no one was even willing to normally talk with Dee, not to mention hanging out in any possible way. 

“My answer is still no then.” shrugged Roman and turned around on his heel. Dee nodded thoughtfully before the other’s words caught up on him.

“Wait what. No! Oh for god’s sake, Roman! One small favour for your favourite slimy enemy?” in a spun of a moment Deegan grabbed Roman’s hand, practically launching himself on him. “This is my dignity that we’re talking about! I can’t lose it!”

“You can’t lose something you don’t have, dipshit.” replied Roman coolly. Sparks of cold satisfaction were literally glowing in his eyes and Dee mentally groaned.

“You’re insufferable.” he said instead and let his hand slip off Roman’s wrist.

“I’m just trying to be a worthy match for you.”

“Do you really?” snickered Dee.

“Oh shut up. Gimme a sec” snapped Roman and pulled out his phone again. He started typing something furiously with the speed of the light. Before Dee got to ask what he was doing Roman switched his phone off and crossed his arms on the chest. “So… fake best friend? Sounds like a terrible fic trope. Also proves that you’re lame.”

“I disagree and... slightly disagree.” grinned Dee and started walking towards the door, explaining everything vividly “So basically what I need you to do is pretend that you’re my best friend. Because my friends from the past are waiting for me outside and I don’t want to look like a sore loser.”

“You are sore loser.” Roman said smiling lazily but followed Dee’s steps anyway, “Why me though?”

“You’re my enemy.” Dee shrugged, “No one knows me better than you do. Tell me something nobody knows.”

“Patton didn’t threw up on Logan’s couch. It was you.” replied Roman almost immediately.

“See? That’s the spirit! You can totally fake best friend me.”

“Yeah… Maybe… maybe you’re right.” nodded Roman, “You owe me a pizza afterwards though! Like you know… just you buying me pizza and leaving me alone.” he warned raising his finger up as if he wanted to threaten him.

Deegan smiled and hooked his own pinky finger over Roman’s. The atmosphere between them was heavy with challenge which - for once - wasn’t held against each other. Seconds later Roman unhooked his finger and pushed the door, letting the fresh air into the building. Dee let himself smile a little bit wider as he padded after Roman. Something warm and fuzzy made itself cozy in his chest and he had no idea what that was but - him be damned - it felt pretty good.

 

\---

 

Turned out that Roman didn’t have to do much. Just him being there was more than enough apparently. Except of him and Deegan, there were three of them. Those ‘ex-friends’. Roman wasn’t the type to overthink so he didn’t ask why they weren’t friends with Dee anymore. He also didn’t ask why they decided to meet up if they weren’t friends. It wasn’t his business anyway. Also he didn’t care.

Just like it wasn’t Dee’s business that Roman had cancelled plans for entire afternoon just because Dee asked him for help.

And sure, Roman was fighting against the idea at first. The thought itself - of him and Dee hanging out (even if it was fake hanging out) was actually pretty concerning. But it also took Roman exactly 5 seconds to understand that spending one more evening with Dee was much more fun than spending time with anybody else.

Being around him was like a challenge. And oh boy, Roman did enjoy challenges a lot. Pretending to be Dee’s best friend was a great opportunity not only to work on the acting skills but also gave Roman more occasions to embarrass his self-proclaimed enemy. And that what Roman was always up for.

Everybody claimed that Dee and him were complete opposites but Roman begged to differ. They were actually painfully similar. It’s just the directions they took were different. 

He enviously glanced slushie that Deegan was sipping as they strolled down the street, before his eyes wandered to nameless men that were never skilled enough to be Dee’s friends. Because you see, Roman had this strong belief that it didn’t require time or patience to be Deegan’s friend. It required skill. And actually Roman possessed this skill. He just never made a  _ proper _ use out of it.

“You’re awfully quiet guy, Roman!” snickered the boy with hair that was dyed green. Roman was pretty sure that his name started with “e”. Despite the outstanding hair-colour, he was pretty grey.

Dee laughed loudly when he caught Roman’s gaze lingering on him.

“Roman’s shy baby at first but believe me you wouldn’t want to see him surrounded by his little fans!” he mocked, his lips twisted in a loop-sided grin. It made his sharp cheekbones stand out even more. “Or you know what? You would love to see that, Evan!” 

_ Ah, so it was Evan. Bland name. Actually fits him well. _

“Why?” peeped another guy, the one wearing thick glasses. 

“Because everybody loves our Roman here.” grinned Dee. “If only they knew that inside he’s not as much of a saint that they think he is.”

“Hey!” Roman’s eyebrows furrowed, “Excuse me, I am a model student.”

Apparently those words held some kind of a special meaning because the rest of the boys started laughing as if they heard a good joke.

“What?” asked Roman confused, scrunching up his nose.

“You can’t be a model student if you’re friends with Dee. Being friends with Dee is like… a major disgrace for any model student.” explained Even, glancing at Dee a little bit waringly. 

“Yeah,” agreed Thick Glasses, “You gotta choose! You’re either perfect or you hang out with Dee!”

The third guy, the one wearing long, orange skirt, leaned closer to Roman, before whispering loudly “I don’t think we need to tell you that nobody chooses Dee in this equation, do we?”

Dee quickly took an obnoxiously loud sip of his slushie. Their eyes met for a split of second and Roman couldn’t help but notice a shade of shame in Dee’s eyes. 

Some would say that at this very moment Roman felt pity. But he knew better. The only emotion in his heart at that time was an overwhelming disgust and sense of unfairness. He instantly straightened his back and snatched the slushie from Deegan’s hand.

“It’s their loss honestly. Dee’s a great guy. Not that you know though. After all you ditched him too, didn’t you?” he smiled widely, showing off two perfectly white rows of his teeth.

Orange Skirt cautiously stepped back while Evan and Thick Glasses looked at each other slightly panicked.

“It’s not…” started Evan but just when his tongue started twisting in whatever explanation he had, Dee waved his hand off.

“Roman’s always like that. Always a prince on a white horse.” he joked heavily before looking at the other with a familiar glint of something wild in his eyes. “Why do you always make everything sound so awfully melodramatic, idiot?” he sneered.

Dee knew what he was doing. Roman could feel in under his skin. It was nothing different from the remarks that Dee sometimes threw at him in the college. He wanted to rile Roman up in the name of good fun. And he knew that Roman wouldn’t refuse. He never refused. So when the question tickled Roman’s nerves just like it usually did, he let his lips spread in a merciless smirk.

“I’m just trying to keep up with your terrible sense of fashion, babe” he replied smoothly, eyeing shimmering with glitter shirt that Dee somehow managed to put into his jeans.

Evan crackled upon hearing that but neither Roman nor Dee cared. The blood was already rushing under their skin.  _ That was their dynamics. _

“At least I don’t spend hours in the morning, trying to flawlessly stylize my hair.” hissed Dee, circling Roman, “And yet you still wonder why people treat you like a fucking trinket. Try talking to them and they will swoon. Try looking in their direction and they will faint. Wave at them and, I’m sure, they will be ecstatic.”

Roman only chuckled at this statement, “Bold statement considering that it comes from someone who daily waves aside everyone in general.”

“It’s a conscious decision.”

“You puking at Logan’s couch! That was a conscious decision.” laughed Roman and briefly looked at the others. “But you barking at people? If it’s a decision of yours, then you are really poor at making them.”

“The only poor person here is you and it’s because you’re lacking your brain” retorted Dee, eyes glimmering with excitement. “Nitwit.”

“Imbecile.”

“Moron.”

“Moron your hair.”

“I think you meant maroon and that’s hardly an insult,” smiled Deegan widely, “Therefore I win.”

“Win? A freakshow maybe, yes.” replied Roman. He wasn’t sure if the sweet taste lingering on his tongue was from the slushie or from the delicious ripost. 

At this point Deegan was fuming, eyes glistening in excitement and fury, hands clenched in small fists. Roman smirked even wider. He was enjoying their game today. The outside world had already ceased to exist. It was only him and Dee’s awful attitude. 

“Just because you won a battle, doesn’t mean that you won the war,” hissed Dee, baring his teeth. Left canine was pricking his lip. Roman knew this sight by heart by now. 

“No, but at the revenge still tastes sweet,” he said, taking a particularly large sip of the blueberry slushies.

Something sparkled in Dee’s eyes and Roman froze with the straw in his mouth.

“You do know that you’re basically indirectly kissing me, don’t you, loser?” stated Dee casually as if he was discussing why it’s light during daytime. 

The drops of slushie that was still tingling on Roman’s tongue forcefully made their way to the pavement as he started coughing abruptly, choking on his own saliva and air. Meanwhile Dee started laughing so loudly that the sound was surely to be heard two or even three streets away from there. The cup with the slushie fell on the ground and the liquid spilled across the pavement, creating a blue puddle. Deegan thought that the look on Roman’s face was totally worth the prize of the drink though. 

Only when Dee’s lungs started to burn craving for oxygen, did he take a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Roman finally straightened up but before he could angrily deliver any remark he had on his mind, Dee wheezed again pointing at Roman’s perplexed face.

“You have fucking blue sprinkles on your chin,  _ genius _ .” he snorted mercifully.

Fair amount of red blush crawled on Roman’s cheeks. Quickly, he wiped the chin with his hand but instead of getting rid of the blue drops, he smeared them even further. 

“Well, great.” he grumbled in reply, looking through his pockets in search of a tissue. “I’m already turning into a snake that you are. Thank you for your slimy gems, Dee.”

“Actually, you’ve always been a cold-blooded bitch, Roman. So really turning into a snake wouldn’t make much of a difference for you anyway.”

Roman prepared himself for the familiar sound of whistling and growling that usually followed sentences like that but this time, all he heard was silence and Dee’s heavy breathing. He looked around. He got so caught up in the game that he forgot where they were. What was even more shocking though was that Dee and him were standing all alone on the empty street. His eyebrows furrowed as he scanned the surroundings. He could have sworn that he had just seen Evan and the rest of the group…

“They left the moment I called you ‘nitwit’” said Deegan noticing Roman’s confusion. “I guess our shenanigans were just too much for them to handle.” he added shrugging.

The sun was slowly disappearing behind the horizon, tinting the sky with the shades of golden specks. For some reason they reminded Roman of the sparks in Dee’s eyes.

“Well, to me they came across as weak from the beginning,” he replied finally, trying to pretend that he didn’t see just how much the other was avoiding his gaze. “I guess my mission here is over then…” he added hopelessly.

As soon as these words left his mouth he felt an unpleasant pain growing in his chest. It wasn’t unfamiliar - or at least didn’t feel like something strange. Maybe it always was there, but Roman never cared enough to acknowledge it. The realization hit him hard moments later, when Dee sighed loudly. Roman didn’t want this day to end. He had fun. Despite all the concerns he had - today he had fun. And it wasn’t because of Eran or whatever his name was. It wasn’t because of Orange Skirt or Thick Glasses. It wasn’t even because of melting slushie on the pavement. It was because of Dee. 

_ He always had lots of fun with Dee. _

Those unspoken words were stuck in his throat, bruising his sensitive flesh and ego. Him, Roman, someone who was a man of many words and even more kind smiles, was now standing in front of one of the most important people in his life and he was practically mute. 

Dee hummed softly, still avoiding Roman’s eyes. He seemed unbothered and it hurt more than it should.

“Text me your address and toppings,” said Dee finally.

“What?” asked Roman dumbly, cursing the confusion in his voice.

“The pizza?” sighed Dee, arching his eyebrow,  “I promised, I remember. So don’t worry. You’re free now.” he smiled but it was a strained smile. Roman knew all of Deegan’s smiles: from the mocking one through the evil one up to the honest dorky laugh. Over all those years, he learnt to distinguish and love them. This one? It wasn’t a smile Roman wanted to see on Dee’s face. Not now nor ever.

“Ah, right…” he mumbled numbly when all he wanted was to ask Dee what was wrong.

They stood in complete silence for a few minutes, Roman unsuccessfully trying to catch Dee’s gaze. It was weird being together without the air filled with fights and insults. It was weird but also surprisingly comfortable. The only thing destroying the moment was tense muscles under Dee’s skin and a certain uneasiness that was radiating from him. Roman could feel that something was wrong but he couldn't bring himself to ask. After all who was Roman to Dee? Nothing more than official enemy and unofficial fake best friend.

The odd silence was broken by a loud tune announcing a new text message. Hesitantly Dee pulled his phone from the pocket of his jeans. Whatever someone texted it apparently was funny because moments later Dee’s lips spread in a shy smile. He glanced at Roman behind his phone, as if he wasn’t sure if the latter was still there.

“Yonnah, texted me.” he said casually and Roman blinked with surprise.

“Sorry, who?” he asked politely.

“Yonnah.” repeated Dee, searching for some kind of recognition on Roman’s face. Finding none he sighed, “One of the guys we’ve been hanging out with all day long. The one with specs…” he provided helpfully. 

“Ah! Thick Glasses!” clapped Roman with understanding.

”The only thick thing here is your head.” purred Dee and just like that the heavy atmosphere was gone. 

“From the other side, the only non-thick thing here are your thighs.” grinned Roman.

Dee grimaced. “That was kinda lame.”

Roman chuckled in response, for the first time not feeling an absolute and overwhelming need to reply with something equally sharp and mean.

“Yeah, it was…” he agreed carefully. 

Deegan looked at him visibly stunned. It wasn’t just an agreement. Both of them knew that. It was something new, a step forward maybe. Someone could call that a peace offering but they never were at the state of war. Nothing remotely close to hate radiated from golden eyes when Dee was talking to Roman. Ever. For Roman he held only shy kindness mixed with playfulness. 

“I was thinking, Dee…” Roman cleared his throat, “Maybe after all we could get that pizza together… I mean. We don't have to if you don’t want to but… God, don’t let me ramble, this is terrible,” he hopelessly looked at the other.

If it was possible Dee’s eyes grew even wider and his mouth was hanging open. Then he blinked rapidly few times in a row.

“You want to hang out… With me?” asked Dee carefully as if he wasn’t sure if it’s not another joke.

Roman nodded quickly. “Pretty much so. I think it’s high time for us to hang out properly don't you agree?” he said, scratching his head. It sounded terribly lame.

And yet somehow Dee was beaming. His eyes were sparkling under the artificial light of the lamp above their heads. The scar running across his cheek seemed to be just another line of his awfully toothy smile. Roman’s heart melted on the spot.

“I’d actually love that.” nodded Dee finally and almost instantly turned on his heel to walk down the street. He stopped however after barely few meters just to glance over his shoulder and wink at Roman, “Don’t get me wrong. This is pure business for me. If I go with you, we will split the bill, right?”

Roman laughed under his breath, already setting off in Dee’s direction.

“Yeah… I guess we will do that.” he said to himself. “I guess, we will…”

 

\----

 

That evening Dee was sitting on his bed waiting for Roman to finish taking a shower. He wasn’t sure how or why had he offered Roman to crash over at his place. It was natural. Having Roman around was always natural to Dee. It always had been.

Yet, over all evening long neither of them said the magical word.

_ Friends. _

Maybe they were friends indeed. Maybe they were friends way, way before Dee asked Roman for a favour this morning. Maybe they were yet to become real friends. 

Once again, Dee hummed and opened his phone searching for a text from Yonnah. He found it funny how a silly text, pushed him to make a decision that might had been one of the most important decisions of his life.

_ “I’m glad that you finally got yourself a normal best friend _

_ actually no _

_ scratch ‘normal’ _

_ you two are fcking nuts” _

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm heavily considering writing a sequel to this story in which our lads would become something more than just best friends. If you'd be up for that let me know in the comment section :)


End file.
